The boyfriend and I have been going through some tough times lately. Things here and there have bothered me and I see now that something new seems to crop up within two days. We took off on a spontaneous vacation to Atlantic City last week and I really thought that would put some spring in my step, but I'm right back where I was to begin with. He's settling into a routine with me, which should be good because that means he's comfortable, but I can't stand it.
I can't stand the monotony of knowing what will happen tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. It's killing me.
Ben's angry with me a lot of the time because my worries about the monotony in our relationship are making him feel... inadequate, I guess. That he's not exciting enough for me, or spontaneous enough. I want to say that that's not it, that I'm just losing my mind, but I think he's partially right. He's not one to just get up and go at a moment's notice - he's the kind to get a hold of people, make a night of it, and then return to the same old the next day.
There's nothing wrong with that, I just don't know if we're as compatible as I thought. I don't know if I'm ready to give up my spontaneity for the monotony of a comfortable relationship.
Ben made the point that we do things every now and then to break the routine - like going to Atlantic City or spending a weekend at his sister's house in Massachusetts - but it's not enough. I think our age difference is really starting to come into play. He's not old by any means, but he's of that age where he wants the comfort of the same thing every day. He wants the assuredness of coming home to dinner and girlfriend.
Meanwhile, I want the un-assuredness of adventure and life.
I want to do things in the heat of the moment simply because I am young and I can, and I don't have to plan anything just yet.
I want to just live and do something different everyday, and I don't think Ben wants that.
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